We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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