Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
