I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want you more than these girls want KFC
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
