We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
