I think I died a long time ago.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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