jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This baby is an asshole
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
