I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
