eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
