i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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