Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
