What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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