She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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