Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
