guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
