so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
