i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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