The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
