I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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