im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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