Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
