areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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