i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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