just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
