so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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