When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
