So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
