the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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