Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
