My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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