and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
