Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
