You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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