Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
