we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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