i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
