i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
