that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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