sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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