How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
