need another drink. this is the easiest way
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
