Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
