think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
