I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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