Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you win again, gameday.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
