I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
