why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
