i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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