Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
