It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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