I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
