Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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