He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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