Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
