My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
